Tag: time

Price vs. Cost

Published on by BriAlys

This morning I read an interesting article from Seth Godin’s blog. The subject, though not expressed in this way, is essentially was price vs. cost. Price as in the monetary commitment required to buy-in and cost as in the resources expended over time to maintain said item. Sure, it’s not a revolutionary concept; but, it can always be helpful to reflect on concepts in a different light or hear someone else’s perspective. The same thing is supposed to happen when you read scripture, right? 🤔

Here is Seth’s thought-provoking question: I know what the price tag says. But what does it cost?

Don’t just think of cost in terms of money. Cost can also be your time, stress, not doing something else (also known as opportunity cost). Lifehacker says, “More often than not, figuring out something’s cost is more important than figuring out its price.”

Here are a few examples:

  • You buy a dog that costs $500. The $500 price tag is a one-time expense, what it takes to buy-in. The cost, however is: dog food + doctor visits + dog-sitters + 15-minute walks each day over years, many years. The cost is on-going and can be more than 10 times the price.
  • You buy a luxury handbag that costs $500. The price tag is the same as the example above; however, the cost, in this case is nominal – maybe you need to clean it, have a few repairs, etc. but not very much in the grand scheme of things. The cost of the luxury handbag is less than the price.

Here’s the thing: as I am typing this post I am learning / acknowledging my own personal buying behavior and preference. I prefer high price, low-cost items. đź’ˇ Meaning, I’d rather spend money up front (higher price) and have minimal cost. Some people prefer the opposite approach. Or maybe more correctly stated, our attitudes are different depending on what the “thing” in question is: a house, a trip to Paris, a steak dinner, a vintage car, a membership in a club or group, golf lessons. I do think most people have a pattern. Sure, you can bring value into this discussion but that’s subjective. Cost and price are quantifiable, very easy to measure.

So what’s the takeaway? The next time you consider the pice tag (“buying in”), take 30-seconds and think about what type of price-cost arrangement you are getting yourself into. Whatever your choice is, enjoy!

Zero Debt

Published on by BriAlys

When you read the title of this post I bet your mind immediately thought about money. Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you but this post is not at all about money. It is about another form of debt, one that subtly creeps into our lives and creates must-do situations. Can you think of what it might be? Let’s start with the definition:

something owed; a state of owing

See, that definition doesn’t say anything about money. Debt is a state of mind, created when you feel like you owe something to someone or something. Owe as in you are obligated, there is no other choice. When we start to think about debt that way you can see how you can fall deeper into debt in any area, no credit card required.

brain-tiredI ran across an article, Busyness is a Kind of Debt. The article wasn’t what I expected but I do like the title so I want to reframe the conversation in terms of what my expectations were after I read the title. We sign ourselves up for things all time, sometimes weeks or even months in advance. We’re optimistic that we’ll have time and we over commit. The act of “signing up for something” makes us feel important or special or part of something or whatever we like to call it. Commitments are debt that creates busyness. Busyness is a kind of debt. And we all know the toll financial debt can have on you: it makes you feel overwhelmed, you stress out about it, you have to spend time and energy figuring out how we’re going to deal with it or make it work, along with a host of other emotions!

The goal of this article is not to convince you to stop committing to things or to stop you from taking on more debt. in the case of busy debt, just like when it comes to money, the maximum level you can tolerate is up to you and only you; but, unfortunately there is no bank or other entity setting a limit for you, in other words you can easily go over the limit, your limit. Yes, you can take on as much or as little debt as you want. When we think of debt in the financial sense, we know what to do when it gets to be too much: we stop using our credit cards, we cut we them up, give them to a friend to hold onto or we might even freeze them; but, what happens when you get overwhelmed with busyness? Do you know what to do? Maybe you get tired and just need some down time. What do you do when you find yourself with a string of debt affording you zero time to relax, recharge or rejuvenate. How about we freeze our busyness every now and again, get our debt level back to zero???

Take a few moments to think about the debt you create in your life. And maybe the next time we’re presented with a debt-creating/inducing situation or opportunity 🤔, we can all practice saying, “Let me get back to you on that.” Check your tank first, then decide.

Three Little Words

Published on by BriAlys

This post is amazing; however it is not my own and was posted, in its entirety, on LinkedIn. The article is so great, I plan to read the author’s book, The Introvert Entrepreneur.

One rainy afternoon a few years ago, I was driving into Seattle for a networking event when my husband called me on my cell. I answered (this was pre-hands-free law) and listened, noting the barely perceptible panic in his voice: something unexpected had come up, and he needed the car for an off-site meeting. Since I was in the car, traveling up I-5 at 65mph in the opposite direction from him, he clearly had a problem.

There was a time when I would have sighed, said, “I’ll be right there,” and gotten off at the next exit and turned around. He called me with a problem; I had to save the day, right? I would have felt mildly annoyed but, in a twisted way, virtuous for having come to his rescue and fixed his problem. (Oh, and my strong introvert side would have felt relieved… no networking event!)

But that’s not how this story ends. I listened to his description of the situation and said, “Oh dear, I’m sorry to hear that. How else can you get to the meeting?” We brainstormed for a moment, he said, “I’ll figure it out,” and we hung up. And I forgot about the conversation until I got home later that evening.

This might not be a big deal to some people, but it was a true turning point for me. It was one of the first times I’d intentionally taken a concept I learned in coach training and put it into practice personally: see and hold others as whole, capable, and resourceful.

While the three words are simple, the concept is a game-changer.

If I choose to hold someone else as whole, capable, and resourceful, I see her not as a person to rescue, but a person to respect. Not broken, but healthy. Not helpless, but self-reliant. Not clueless, but creative.

So when I listened to my husband and didn’t offer to swoop in and make it all better, I was actually respecting his capacity to solve his problem. I was reminding him, in so many words, that he can take care of himself. I can offer support and a sympathetic ear, but I don’t have to abandon my own priority to take care of his. I trust that he can handle it (which increases his trust in himself). And I don’t assume my solution is his solution.

That’s a fairly obvious and simple example. There’s not a lot of emotion surrounding the situation, nor are the consequences dire. But how does it apply to more complicated situations? And why is it important to introverts?

I use the concept of whole, capable, and resourceful every single day. It primarily comes up in my coaching work. Each session, I listen to clients share their business or personal challenges, some of which are fairly profound. I have to check any urge to solve their problems. My job isn’t to give them advice and tell them what they should do (they get enough of that from other people). My job is to support the client as seeing himself as whole, capable, and resourceful.

Most of the time, it’s easy. I’ve been practicing it for the past eight years, so it’s not something I actively think about too much. But I remember in the beginning, I’d almost be haunted by my clients’ stories. I’d carry their thoughts with me and feel their pain. There was only a thin veil between their energy and mine.

So much of being a healthy, happy introvert is about managing our energy. To do that, we often find we need to establish boundaries: around our quiet time, our work spaces, our social interaction. And depending on our personality, we might find those boundaries frequently being violated because of our equal need to help (to be of service), to feel needed, to show love by being the shoulder to cry on or the sympathetic ear.

Being “The Fixer” is a role many of us slip into, regardless of whether we’re introverted or extroverted. Introverts who tend to lean this way might do so because they feel relief when attention shifts from them to a problem to fix. Therefore, this becomes the perfect opportunity to practice establishing a boundary of compassionate detachment, one that allows us to be present for someone without getting roped into the drama.

  1. Release the idea that you need to fix the person or solve the problem. Let go of “The Fixer” identity. Be present and curious, without going into rescue mode.
  2. Soften your presence (your heart, eyes, mouth, hands, shoulders). Rather than brace yourself to take action, relax and listen without judgment or analysis.
  3. Remind yourself that the other person is an intelligent, resourceful human being, capable of handling the situation.
  4. Give her the gift of your attention, space to think, and your belief she can figure it out.
  5. Come from curiosity. Ask: “What options do you have?” “When have you been in this situation before, and what did you do then?” “What’s most important right now?” “Do you want me to do some brainstorming with you?” “What would support you best right now?” Create a space in which the other person feels supported, seen, and heard, while encouraging her take the lead in finding resolution.
  6. If you do give advice or feedback, or offer to help, do so without attachment. Let the other person decide what she needs.

I can hear some of you now: “Yeah, that would work with a person who has it together, but it wouldn’t work for my crisis-oriented, super-needy brother/co-worker/mother-in-law.”

I’ll grant you this: there are some people who have certain life challenges that may make it seem difficult – if not impossible – for you to see them as whole, capable, and resourceful. Try anyway. Find ways to see past the surface issues and speak to their higher self, the one that longs to be respected and cherished, to be seen as capable. Discern what’s going to serve the situation best; sometimes a rescue is required. But always question that assumption.

Because that’s the bottom line: when we treat others with dignity and respect, they often rise to the occasion, whether they believe in their own capacity or not. Your belief in them inspires belief in themselves. This allows you to be present and compassionate without giving away your power.

It takes time to build this muscle. Start by noticing when you jump into rescue mode, and practice solving the problem with, rather than for, the other person. Gradually release any feeling of responsibility for their solution, and instead focus on how you can create a space that empowers the other person to figure it out.

Carl Jung concluded, “As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.” You don’t have to stamp out the darkness; simply be the gentle light that shines on the brilliance of others, so they can discover it for themselves.

Calm in Chaos

Published on by BriAlys

ftfLife is tough. It’s hard. There’s always curve balls thrown at you from multiple angles: some you knock out of the park and some knock you down. There is a single factor that determines the outcome, regardless of the situation: you. So what’s the secret sauce? How do you stay calm in the midst of chaos, when you’ve got multiple things competing for your attention? The answer is tucked away in a book called First Things First by Stephen R. Covey. I received a copy of this book in 2001 by my manager while on my very first internship at Lucent Technologies. In your personal life, at work, in social circles, I’m telling you unequivocally this book is the answer because it asks one question: What are the most important things in your life? and forces you to #prioritize your greatest asset, #time.

So let’s get down to it. Grab a piece of paper and draw a square. Now divide it into 4 equal sections. You will fill in those boxes with all the things or tasks that occupy or compete for your time. They could be PTA meetings, Exercise, or preparing for a big presentation at work.

  • Top Left: Important and Urgent (crises, deadline-driven projects)
  • Top Right: Important, Not Urgent (preparation, prevention, planning, relationships)
  • Bottom Left: Urgent, Not Important (interruptions, many pressing matters)
  • Bottom Right: Not Urgent, Not Important (trivia, time wasters)

prioririesI’m serious here… Grab a piece of paper and get started! When you’re done, label the first column urgent, the second column not urgent. Label the first row important and the second row not important. Finally, I want you to do one thing: write a Big Fat Red X  on the bottom 2 squares. Why? Because they’re distractions! Avoid them at all costs and notice when others try to force you to respond to or focus on these types of situation. Spend your time on all those items you wrote on the top row and be strategic about it! That’s how you can stay calm in the midst of chaos: focus on what matters to YOU. Your blood pressure will thank you.