Happiness – an inside job


I recently discovered a new blog, Hack Life, and one of the site’s last post is absolutely amazing! The title of the article ism “Happiness is an inside job”. I even found an article written by the Huffington Post that describes the very same concept this way:

As long as you believe that your happiness comes from outside you, happiness will likely elude you. Every moment that you look to people, things, events and outcomes to make you happy is a moment of life lost. Every moment spent trying to control someone or something in the hopes of getting what you believe will make you happy is a moment of happiness and joy lost. Happiness is not something that happens to you. It is something you choose or don’t choose each and every moment.

Is that not amazing? I love it! But, back to the original article; I will summarize the tips here for you because reading the pointers/tips alone are valuable in itself! You can read the original article for more commentary.

Here are the 12 Things You Don’t Owe Anyone:

  1. You don’t owe anyone the right to regulate your dreams.
  2. You don’t owe anyone the right to clutter your mental and physical space.
  3. You don’t owe anyone else a rationalization for investing in yourself.
  4. You don’t owe anyone another excuse (but you owe yourself another chance).
  5. You don’t owe anyone the authority to validate you.
  6. You don’t owe anyone the love you need to be giving yourself.
  7. You don’t owe anyone the respect you deserve to be showing yourself.
  8. You don’t owe anyone else a “yes” when you need to say “no.”
  9. You don’t owe anyone else your quiet “me time.”
  10. You don’t owe anyone a change in your fashion, style or appearance.
  11. You don’t owe anyone else an explanation about your important relationships.
  12. You don’t owe anyone the power to repeatedly break your heart (but you owe yourself a chance to heal once and for all).

See also: No is a complete sentence sentence from THE shined rhimes herself in a discussion with Oprah.  her and her! lol


Just Say No

The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say ‘no’ to almost everything.” (Warren Buffett)

While saying no could be a missed opportunity to build a relationship or explore new things, it’s also an opportunity to focus on what’s important to you! Remember, we started 2014 with You Is!

delinceThe author of the article writes, “I learned that there’s a big difference between pleasing people and helping them. Being a giver is not about saying yes to all of the people all of the time to all of the requests. It’s about saying yes to some of the people (not the selfish takers) some of the time (when it won’t compromise your own goals and ambitions) to some of the requests (when you have resources or skills that are uniquely relevant).

The following tips from Time focus on ways to say no without burning bridges and jeopardizing your reputation. Use these tips while on or off the job!

  1. The Deferral: “I’m swamped right now, but feel free to follow up”

  2. The Referral: “I’m not qualified to do what you’re asking, but here’s something else”

  3. The Introduction: “This isn’t in my wheelhouse, but I know someone who might be helpful”

  4. The Bridge: “You two are working toward common goals”

  5. The Triage: “Meet my colleague, who will set up a time to chat.”

  6. The Batch: “Others have posed the same question, so let’s chat together”

  7. Relational Account: “If I helped you, I’d be letting others down”

Once you’ve exhausted all possibilities you’re left with number #8 The Learning Opportunity: “I’m sorry to disappoint. One of my goals for this year is to improve my ability to say no—you are a tough audience. I suppose it’s good practice…”

Will You Marry Me?

1404719_10202382821193687_811824248_oI just read the realist of all blog posts about responding to a proposal. Everyone does not say yes the first time! The entire article is a GREAT read but I have to share the #1 reason why Heather Lindsey, the author, kept saying no: PEACE. It’s not something you can force, buy, concoct or dream up – it just happens: at the right time and with the right person. Trust me when I say, do not do anything until until you are absolutely sure you have PEACE.

side note: if you’re not sure if you have peace, that  probably means you don’t

Here are Heather’s reasons for saying no:

  1. I didn’t respect him as a man.

  2. I didn’t have peace.

  3. I wasn’t getting better as a woman.

  4. He wasn’t a leader.

  5. I didn’t trust him.

  6. I wasn’t attracted to him.

  7. I didn’t like his friends.

  8. He was so secretive.

  9. He was somebody else’s husband.

  10. God told me no.

noI can tell you RIGHT NOW that every single reason on this list is SUPER TRUE and more about YOU and how the relationship makes YOU feel, than it is about the guy. And don’t even think about checking that Maybe box! You should never go into a marriage trying to change a person. If you can’t accept him 100% just as he is today, there is no room for expecting a miracle tomorrow!